Is this the class you paid for?

Linguistics is not the study of how to sound like you were raised by Queen Elizabeth. Or Jacquie Kennedy. Or. . . think of someone snooty and smart who uses "correct" grammar All the Time. You just need a plain old English class if that's your goal (and maybe a dialect coach).

This class is about how human language works--what makes us tick? Or Talk. (: Oh, I am hysterical. What is different about human language and animal communication systems or synthetic languages like the oh-so-successful Esperanto (which may or may not also come in polyester). How is it that any human with normal or even below normal intelligence can learn ANY language as long as they are adequately exposed to it as babies/young children? Do twins really have their own made up language? Do dolphins tell jokes? Did your language ability evolve from the other primates? Can chimps really 'speak' sign language? What is the universal capacity in the human brain to learn language?

Where do words come from? What is a real word Is 'duh' a real word? Is 'depth-y' a real word? I keep hearing people use it. How about doo-hickey? What is the rightful role of the dictionary in your life? Why would your linguistics prof contend that your grandma has perfect English 'grammah' (or whatever her native language is) even without meeting her? That's right, your grandmother, whoever she is, no matter how much education she has (or hasn't) is perfectly grammatical. . . even, hold on to your keyboard, if she regularly says, He don't and I ain't. It's true; why would I lie to you about something so important? (:

Why do some people learn second languages so easily and others pretty much not at all? Why is it hard to learn a new language as an adult? Why is English currently the world language? Is there something evolutionarily superior about it? (Hint: the answer is a big fat no, but why?)

Why can't your cat speak English? Several reasons, esp. if she's Siamese or Himalayan. . . Do girls talk more than boys? Do girls talk better than boys? What is verbal hygiene? What is a dirty word? What are the ethics of language use-what is offensive speech? Is it possible to talk in a way that doesn't offend anybody anywhere? Is offense the number one concern in determining what is 'right speaking'? What is 'bad English"? Do northerners speak 'better' than southerners? Is howdy good English? Why can't Japanese say their l's and r's 'right'? What cool tricks can you do if the roof of your mouth is incomplete? Does it affect your speech? Do parents teach their babies how to talk?

Is your interest piqued yet? Hopefully it's not peaked already because that would make for one dead class. And I refuse to teach dead people. Just a weird policy of mine. You might be able to find some profs who don't mind or even notice whether their students are dead or not. That's not me, so if that's what you've got your heart set on, you should probably re-register. Also, if you prefer for your prof not to know your name and face, if you want to be anonymous in a class, that's not my class either. I will know who you are and use your beautiful name frequently. Again, if that's not what you're looking for, you probably don't want to take this class with me. Learning is an activity, not a passivity. (yeah that's a word, i'm a linguist and if i want it to be a word it's a word dang it!).

Now I actually have some work to do, but I just wanted to get you set on the right course, as it were. (:

Peace out,
ee